What men mean when they talk about their “crazy” ex-girlfriend is often that she was someone who cried a lot, or texted too often, or had an eating disorder, or wanted too much/too little sex, or generally felt anything beyond the realm of emotionally undemanding agreement. That does not make these women crazy. That makes those women human beings, who have flaws, and emotional weak spots. However, deciding that any behavior that he does not like must be insane– well, that does make a man a jerk.
And when men do this on a regular basis, remember that, if you are a woman, you are not the exception. You are not so cool and fabulous and levelheaded that they will totally get where you are coming from when you show emotions other than “pleasant agreement.”
When men say “most women are crazy, but not you, you’re so cool” the subtext is not, “I love you, be the mother to my children.” The subtext is “do not step out of line, here.” If you get close enough to the men who say things like this, eventually, you will do something that they do not find pleasant. They will decide you are crazy, because this is something they have already decided about women in general.”
When you’re sad:
1. Write letters to the people you love. Don’t seal them; don’t send them. Instead, stick them between the pages of library books.
2. Eat raspberries off your fingertips.
3. Venture outside and observe natural life. Watch a honey bee suck the nectar from lavender plants. Watch a snail slowly make its way towards the shade of a tree. Watch a hummingbird innocently fly above your head. Realize how insignificant you are.
4. Smile at strangers; say hello. It will improve their day and your own.
5. Write lists. They can be about anything.
6. Read several pages of the dictionary. Learn new words. Write down the ones you wish to remember.
7. Never feel compelled to apologize when you don’t feel sorry. It’s okay that you’re honest. It’s okay that you have a different opinion from someone else.
8. Read books and watch movies from your childhood. A healthy dose of nostalgia is okay. Immerse yourself in your past innocence.
9. Walk to a park and get on a swing. Go as high as you can; feel limitless. The world is yours.
10. Eat if you’re hungry. Food is not the enemy. You are a human and need food to survive. You deserve to eat. Put those raspberries on your fingers and sprinkle sugar on your tongue. Taste the summer breeze and sweet aroma of jasmine flowers.
11. Don’t marinate in your sadness. You are not a steak. You are a person; you’re irreplaceable. Open yourself up to contentment. Bathe in the rivers of Glee. Go for hikes with Satisfaction. Sleep in a warm cocoon of blankets with Bliss. Let endless happiness overcome your hopeless sadness. You deserve to be happy. If life is a game and you are the referee, be biased for once and let happiness win.”
In social issues class today our professor held up a black book and was like “this book is red” and we were all “no” and he said “yes it is” and we were just all “that’s not right” and he turned it around and the back cover was red and he said “Don’t tell somebody they’re wrong until you’ve seen things from their point of view”
that speaks to me
So here’s the real reason that rape jokes are troubled territory -
Because rape victims say so.
They get to say that. They get to feel that way. On this, they get to set the cultural rules.
It’s not about right or wrong, or logic versus emotion, or arguments of over sensitivity or hypocrisy - you have the free speech to make whatever jokes you want or talk about rape in whatever way you feel is illuminating. But they get to be upset about it. And call you on it. And be hurt by it.
But consider this:
You get to not be a rape victim.
They, however, are not afforded that luxury. Ever again.”
if you self harm and you didn’t tonight, if you’re currently recovering from something, if you’re suicidal and you’re still here, i want you to know that i am so fucking proud of you.
If you did nothing productive today, and all you did was wake up, I am still fucking proud of you.